A Guide to Dating the Eldritch

Dating can be rough, especially when your date is an eldritch horror from beyond the veil of reality. Lucky for you, this guide will tell you exactly what you need to say to that handsome breach in reality. Now it's important to understand that your would-be dark lord and partner will speak in a tongue beyond all mortal comprehension and as such you will not be able to understand them. But fortunately you don’t need to understand them to say just the right thing. Follow these simple instructions and you just might find yourself getting lucky tonight.

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White Eyes

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3 words

4 words

If there are two  " yokth "  words and there are an even number of eyes	Answer "It's OK"
Else, if the first word contains  " 'thig "  and there are no  " cthou "  words	Answer "I would love that"
Else, if there are exactly two  " garath "  words	Answer "Go on"
Else, if there is at least one  " c'thotl "  word	Answer "That's so funny"
Else,	Answer "You're so cute"

5 words

If the last word contains  " c'thotl "  and the number of eyes is even	Answer "Lets see how things go"
Else, if there is exactly one  " garath "  word and there is more than one  " yokth "  word	Answer "You're so cute"
Else, if there are no  " c'thotl "  words	Answer "That's so funny"
Else,	Answer "I would love that"

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Green Eyes

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3 words 

If there are no  " garath "  words,	Answer "I would love that"
Else, if there is exactly one  " yokth "  word,	Answer "Go on"
Else, if the third word contains  " garath "	Answer "It's OK"
Else, if there is at least one  " cthou "  word and no  " 'thig "  words,	Answer "That's so funny"
Else,	Answer "Lets see how things go"

4 words

If there are exactly three  " 'thig "  words	Answer "Go on"
Else, if the number of the letters in the longest word is odd	Answer "That's so funny"
Else, if the second word contains " cthou "  and there are no  " garath "  words	Answer "It's OK"
Else, if there are exactly two  " yokth "  words	Answer "Lets see how things go"
Else, if there is at least one  " c'thotl "  word	Answer "You're so cute"
Else,	Answer "I would love that"

5 words

If the first word contains " cthou "  and the total number of eyes is odd	Answer "Lets see how things go"
Else, if there are exactly two  " garath "  words and there are no  " yokth "  words	Answer "You're so cute"
Else, if there are no  " 'thig "  words and the number of letters in the last word is odd	Answer "That's so funny"
Else, if the number of the letters in the first word is even	Answer "It's OK"
Else,	Answer "I would love that"

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Pink Eyes

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If the second word contains  " c'thotl "  and the total number of eyes is even	Answer "Lets see how things go"
Else, if there are exactly one  " yokth "  words and there is more than one  " garath "  word	Answer "You're so cute"
Else, if there is at least one  " c'thotl "  word and the number of letters in the second word is even	Answer "That's so funny"
Else, if the number of the letters in the last word is odd	Answer "It's OK"
Else, if there is at least one  " 'thig "  word	Answer "Go on"
Else,	Answer "I would love that"